


you've become an echo (but echoes fade away)

by murphysarc



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Post-Series, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6940300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murphysarc/pseuds/murphysarc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because everyone Duke’s ever loved has gone away. A look at Duke's past and present, with spoilers from the series finale.</p><p>Some Duke/Nathan, but eventual Duke/Jennifer endgame. Title from “Silhouette” by Aquilo. Warnings for strong language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you've become an echo (but echoes fade away)

**Author's Note:**

> There's so much more I could have done with this. I didn't touch on a lot of Duke's stories, but I did want to brush more on this backstory, and, well, I love Nuke, so this was born.

 

Duke is seven years old when his father doesn’t come home.

It’s not that Duke is particularly  _ sad _ , so to speak, but it’s a jarring experience. Because every night, Simon Crocker steps through the door. Some days he’s covered in blood, some days he doesn’t say a word, and some rare days he greets Duke and his brothers with a smile. He’s always there. 

His father might fall short on a lot of things, but being dependable is not one of those things.

His father doesn’t show up one night. Duke’s unable to sleep that night as he listens to his mother’s sobs take up the whole house. He seeks shelter that night in his brother Wade’s room, eventually crawling into bed with him. 

The two intertwine, both unable to sleep, but both finding solace in each other. Their father doesn’t return the next day, or the day after that, and soon he’s ruled to be dead.

It hurts Duke a lot more that he can’t find a reason to care.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

Once, Duke’s father looked down at him and said in a small, kind voice,  _ “You have such a great destiny in front of you.” _

But his father didn’t come home, so that could only have been a lie.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

The shouting begins soon after.

Wade and Duke’s mother just keep yelling. They don’t agree over anything - Wade keep shouting that Duke’s mother needs to get it in gear, needs to  _ do _ something - after all, Duke’s mother isn’t actually Wade’s mother, but Duke loves them both the same, and he wants them both to  _ stay _ .

His father may have yelled at him, and his father may have turned him against himself whenever he felt bad, but he would always tell Duke what great things were in store for him. And then he left. Duke can’t allow that to happen with his mother or with Wade.

The shouting remains for three solid years, until one morning, his mother screamed, “You’re not even my son! Why don’t you just get the fuck out of here?”

Wade stares at her, straight in her face, and whispers, “Okay.”

He leaves three hours later. He doesn’t say more than a simple goodbye to Duke, and even though Duke runs down the stairs after him, the door closes in his face before he gets the chance to even see his brother again.

He doesn’t see Wade for a very, very long time.

That night, when Duke is trying to sleep, his mother’s sops rip through the air, just like they did three years ago. This time, there is no one to help Duke sleep. His bed feels strangely empty and yet, strangely full.

And this time, though Duke  _ cares _ so much, he’s beginning to get used to the feeling of loss.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

His mother is never really home after that, but what’s new in that department. Occasionally, she returns just to see that Duke is still alive and fending for himself in their big, empty house, but she’s always gone after the hour ends.

When Duke turns eighteen, he graduates high school, and high tails it as fast as he can out of that house. He never does return; and though it doesn’t feel like another loss, so to speak, it still feels like another crushing weight has been added to his chest. It’s just another piece of his past that will get left behind.

Because his father once told him that he has a great destiny in front of him, and as a child he believed it with all his heart, but Duke just can’t believe this is the destiny his father had in mind.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

Winning  _ The Rouge _ is the first thing that gives him peace of mind in all his years. Because now, he can escape. He can be the one who leaves first, and he can take everything he owns with him, and just leave. 

Now,  _ he _ can leave before everyone else has a chance to.

Not that he would, of course; not while Nathan Wuornos was in town. He’d never admit it to anyone, of course, but Duke’s been madly in love with Nathan ever since they were kids. He knows that he was horrible to Nathan; sticking tacks in his back, mocking him, making fun of his Trouble, his affliction, that Nathan has no control over. 

There’s no redeeming what Duke’s done; but that doesn’t mean he can’t admire from afar. That doesn’t mean he can’t get in  _ just _ enough trouble with the law for Nathan to keep having to come to his boat, to keep coming just enough for Duke to feel light inside again.

But, of course, once you start getting in trouble with the wrong people it’s a slippery slope from there, and soon Duke is trapped in a whole ring of smuggling - and suddenly, he’s one of Maine’s top smugglers. Not that there’s much competition there, anyways.

Nathan stops coming so often after a while, and suddenly it just doesn’t feel worth it at all.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

“Crocker, honestly, there’s only so much you can say to get out of this.”

Duke’s sitting lazily on a deck chair, staring out at the sea toss and turn, as Nathan - or, should he say, Officer Wuornos - stands behind him, his hands on his hips and his toe-tapping indicating impatience. Duke doesn’t care, though - the longer he draws this out, the longer Nathan can stay.

“Oh, you know me, Nathan,” Duke sighs, finally rising from his chair and turning to face Nathan, “I can always find my way out.”

Nathan sighs. “Look, we know what you’ve been smuggling, we just need you to tell us  _ where _ it’s gone.”

“If you knew what I was smuggling, you wouldn’t be here to ask me that question.”

“ _ Duke _ .” 

“Nathan.”

“I can’t leave until you tell me. I’ll bring you in if I have to.”

“But you won’t,” Duke says, stepping closer, and oh god, he’s so close to Nathan now he can almost feel him - and he wants to feel him.

Nathan tilts his head a little to the side, exposing his neck. “Maybe this time I will.”

Duke takes a step, and Nathan takes a step, and then - and then - 

It’s all a blur after that, but Duke lunges for Nathan’s neck, and Nathan tilts his head even farther back, and they meet in an explosion of passion.

Somehow, they end up in Duke’s bed. Ah, well - a gentleman never tells.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

Duke thinks that he can really love Nathan this time. Nathan’s dependable - he’s got his head on right, he’s strong-willed, he’s honest, and pure, and he won’t just leave Duke. This much becomes very obvious, very quickly.

They spend hours on  _ The Rouge _ , sitting together watching the sunset. During those times, they talk about everything and anything - they both tell each other about their fucked up fathers, their messed up lives, and somehow they find peace in each other.

It’s right, it’s good, and one day Duke wakes up and he wants to spend the rest of his life with Nathan.

It’s not legal in Maine, not by a long shot, but it doesn’t mean Duke can’t buy the ring. And he does; he spends most of his actual, honest money and buys something that Duke knows Nathan will enjoy. He makes sure he’s on  _ The Rouge _ early that day, before Nathan can arrive - he’s there mostly every night, and tonight is no different.

But today, when Nathan steps on the boat, it’s out of anger, and not out of love. “Duke!” he yells as soon as his feet touch the boards, and Duke scrambles to hide the ring. “I thought you were done smuggling!”

“I am!” Duke says, jumping to his feet and meeting Nathan on the deck. “I mean - I - I  _ mostly _ am.”

“There’s someone down at the station who begs to differ,” Nathan says through gritted teeth. “And he’s got the documents to prove it.”

Duke pauses. “Who?” he says, his voice small.

“He gave us the name Tim.”

That really could be anyone; Duke doesn’t know. But there are a few contacts who he still has, there are a few people who he still works for - not because he wants to, but because once you get in the business, you can’t get out again. “Okay,” Duke finally says.

“Okay?  _ Okay _ ? That’s all you have to say for yourself?”

“What do you want me to say, Nathan?” Duke hates how defeated his voice sounds, but all he can think is,  _ this is it, this is the end _ .

“You’ve been lying to me this entire time,” Nathan says, vibrating with anger. “Was any of this real? Were we real? I thought - I thought I could trust you!”

“You can-”

“How can I? How can I after this?”

“Please-”

His next actions are a blur, just like they were when it all began, but this time - this time Duke feels something  _ crunch _ , and then intense pain spiders out of his face and he yells out, staggering backwards. “Oh my god,” Nathan says as Duke shuts his eyes and just keeps moving backwards, away from Nathan, away from everything. “Oh my god.”

Duke snaps his eyes open just to see Nathan walking away equally as fast, his eyes wide. “You broke my nose,” Duke whispers, feeling the blood drip through his hand.

“I didn’t feel it,” Nathan says. “I didn’t - I didn’t - I have to go.”

Duke realizes, hours later, that he’s the reason for Nathan’s Trouble to return. And that is why Nathan left, just like everyone else.

He’s starting to think that maybe he’s the reason everyone leaves.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

Evi comes, she leaves, she comes back, she dies.

Audrey comes, and she chooses his ex.

Wade comes back, and he dies.

Duke can’t help but cry himself to sleep almost every night, because it’s all just worthless. 

His father once told him that he has a great destiny in front of him.

He has to believe that’s true, because he can’t believe in anything else.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

Jennifer is the first person after Nathan that Duke truly loves. When they are together, Duke feels as though they are one, that they can  _ be _ one.

When she dies, his world ends a little bit.

It’s strange, though - Nathan is the one to break the news to him, and Nathan is not cruel. Nathan is not rude. Nathan does not seem smug, as Duke’s mind tries to tell him that Nathan will be.

Nathan is kind, and Nathan stays with him, and Nathan is Nathan.

Duke loses a huge piece of himself that die, and though that is the day Duke gives up on happiness - it only ends up in pain - but he starts to realize maybe Nathan never left him at all.

 

//  ||  \\\

 

_ “You are the bravest man I have ever met...and I will spend my entire life trying to repay that debt…” _

_ Duke is dead. He doesn’t...he doesn’t quite know what that means. _

_ He loses sense of his body, but his mind feels sharper than ever and he’s going up, up, and up…  _

_ “Duke.” _

_ He knows that voice. But where is she? _

_ “Duke, I’ve been waiting for you.” _

_ He finds his voice just as he finds his eyesight again. “Jennifer.” _

_ “I missed you,” she says. _

_ “I missed you, too,” he says. “I love you.” _

_ “I love you, too.” _

_ His father once told him that he had a great destiny in store. Maybe, this is it. _


End file.
